Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
