If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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