just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
