My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
