The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm just crazy horny about you
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
