im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
