I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
