she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
