guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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