Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
