Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
