he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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