is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
