he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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