Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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