MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
