i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
