He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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