hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
