I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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