We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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