i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
