This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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