I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
