I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
