Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
