Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
