I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
