you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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