I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Non-Jews are for practice
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
