what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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