I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
