Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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