Tell her she can't have a vagina
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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