she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
