White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
