I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize