I'm drive I can fine osifer
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
