the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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