Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
