my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
