So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize