I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
