Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
