So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
