Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
