imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
