Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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