the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
