Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
