It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
