so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
