drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
