For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
