You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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