youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
