Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
where am i from again
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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