So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
