If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
