Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
