Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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