Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
