so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
