I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
