I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
