Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
