The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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