Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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