hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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