Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I AM VODKA MAN
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
