im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
