He kissed a someone with a penis
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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