He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
