Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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